and then I learnt how to swear…

Posted: October 30, 2013 in Uncategorized

I used to wonder why people in Lahore swear so much? “BC” (if u don’t know what that means, stop reading right now) was a common figure of speech. It took me a while but I got used to it. It was only the other day when I found myself calling someone a BC, at the top of my lungs, in a crowded market in the middle of the day that I figured out why.

If you want to drive around this city (especially if you are a girl and god forbid your dopatta isn’t with you) you will need an ample amount of expressive vocabulary to get the sentiments that build along the way, off your heart.

The rickshaw wala that will casually decide to switch lanes; previously I would think the guy probably has a messed up life and no time to care for courtesy, but it’s only after twice or thrice you end up dying or killing someone that this sympathy tends to subside and you find yourself saying stuff like “tum ajao yar, tumhare baap ki road hai?!”…

The motorcycle walay uncle with his wife hanging for her life behind him…He will actually behave like he just inherited the road as property from his grandfather. Dude I understand that there’s no lane for bicycles or bikes here and it must be really hard for you guys but hey, here’s what I am saying: all you have to do is stay in the left lane… not in the right, definitely not in the middle. When somebody honks, they mean to say, “please do save your ass”. The “must mahol” thing you got going is going to get you killed bro. Also, mmm a bike does need side view mirrors… no trust me, im not kidding! And just coz you are sticking out your arm, does not mean the traffic will suddenly stop because your royal highness suddenly wants to turn right!

The gadha gari wala who will casually break the signal and be trotting away infront of you like this is the Shandur Polo Festival! With no breaks, mirrors or the hint of concern for his own life (let alone anyone else’s), he’s basically saying “You bang into me, it’s your loss a—h—-”! There’s not much you can say to these guys.

And then there’s that aunty in the civic and that uncle in the Prado, who will break the line before a check post, go all the way up and clog an otherwise functional queue. For them, I feel like using every swear word that exists in man’s dictionary. I mean, helloooo; this is a queue, just because you are in a car does not mean you don’t abide by the basic courtesies of a line! You are the same person who will wait for hours in a queue in your annual vacations in London; why must you behave like a primitive form of yourself here?

Then there’s the ass pincher (it’s what the bike dude coming from behind does to the girl waiting at the signal sitting behind another bike), the sleaze ball who wouldn’t stop staring… some will dare to do a thumbs up sign coupled with a wink too (that’s the average desi guys idea of charming a woman so take no offence) … Oh and if you are wearing jeans or a sleeveless, it’s all on you; it’s then ok to harass you. To these guys, a show of the middle finger is generally my abuse of choice. (Some smile back to that too but well, can’t run a man over for winking now… mmm actually, why not?!)

So I get it. Swearing is good … & for now, my weapon of choice. 

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